I Heard it Through the Grapevine

My neurologist is a very nice man. He listens well and is faultlessly polite. It is the sort of job where compassion and good observation are called for and he has both in abundance. I think we get on pretty well.

At each appointment he asks me to run through a series of exercises to see how my Parkinson's is progressing. There's "play the piano" - hold your hands level and wiggle your fingers as if playing an imaginary keyboard. The Neurology pianoes were never going survive Andrew Lansley's sweeping NHS reforms as part of David Cameron's government's austerity measures and there is a slight downward trend in the number of organ donations in the UK.

In another test he stands behind me and pulls me backwards to see how well I resist. As far as I can tell, he has never made the rabbit ears gesture behind my head or made silly faces. I suppose I don't really know but it doesn't feel like it. This test requires trust and I do trust my neurologist.

My most recent appointment was in January. We chatted amiably enough after the tests and I'm sure I remember him saying something along the lines of "you seem to be doing pretty well."

Imagine my surprise when, a couple of weeks later, I receive a letter that reads:

Today I had the opportunity to meet Mr Couchman ... expressionless face ... speech is slightly slurred ... stooped posture ...

I thought we were friends!

I'm not really complaining of course. The whole point of the appointments is to get an honest appraisal of my state of health as a result of the effects of Parkinson's Disease. It feels slightly odd though to receive a letter where you are discussed in the third person though and does feel a little like an inadvertently heard conversation behind your back. The letter is actually addressed to my GP and I get a copy as a courtesy and to fulfill the obligations of the Data Protection Act.

It just makes me chuckle to imagine him shaking his head theatrically as he explains to his secretary, "the state of him! He shuffled in here... it was like he'd been drinking. I could hardly make out a word! You should see him playing the piano! He looks like he cut his own hair in the dark with one arm tied behind his back! ..."

But he would never do that because he is a kind, polite and compassionate man.